11 days post-op....

10/9/13 Last night was the first night since I've been home that was really difficult. I woke up and needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, for one thing. So I wiggled down to the end of the bed and reached out for my walker. I knew that Wayne had been packing all evening and my first thought was that he may have left bags around the room and I couldn't see where they were. If I fall while on the walker...well, let's just say I can't think of much worse than falling on the walker. Turns out he had moved all of his bags to the side (of course he did) and I made it to and from the bathroom without incident. But what happened next really stunk~ I had crazy nightmares. Completely unfounded, crazy dreams that were just my biggest fears realized. Being left alone. Being abandoned. I woke up at 7, exhausted and in need of getting ready for Home Health Care.   8am~ an hour of exercises meant to strengthen my left leg and my arms and all I could think of was getting back to bed. Getting sleep. Escaping from this reality.
10/9/13 evening   Wayne took me on a car ride up to Brooksville to get me out of the house for the first time and I was so overwhelmed, I just cried for the first 15 minutes. I hate all of this crying and just can't seem to stop it. I was crying because the sunset was so beautiful and I was so happy to be OUTSIDE and I was crying because I realized how life was going on without me as I sit in my house convalescing. This is my favorite time of the year~ has been my entire life~ and I had plans of walking every morning with the arrival of the cooler weather and taking my dogs on long jaunts...but that isn't going to happen now and it's just incredibly sad for me to take in.
10/10/13 morning   Wayne left for work this morning and I won't be seeing him until Sunday night. If it were a business trip, he would have canceled it~ but this time away has been planned for the last several months and he'll be serving God and serving men. He needs to be there. Nick (my son) will be available and I'll be fine. Nick has been a Godsend. He uses his lunch hour every day to come home, get my lunch together, take dogs out, etc. and never complains. He just helps me with a good natured attitude and I'm so blessed by that.  I'm going to hobble with my walker out to the lanai this morning and enjoy the temps and fresh air. I'm going to try very hard to maintain a positive attitude...especially over the next few days. I'm looking ahead to next Friday when I'll see my orthopedic surgeon and he will, God willing, give me a new (lighter!) cast and encouraging words about my recovery so far. I would appreciate your prayers for that, as well.